My second birth was exactly what I didn’t want to happen, but knew in my heart that it would probably be that way. I have what is called precipitous births, or rapid labor, which is defined as giving birth after less than 3 hours of regular contractions. Sounds like a dream but it is actually a sudden pattern of extremely powerful contractions that come intensely one after another with very little rest. I also had heard that labor time could cut in half with each child for those who have precipitous births.
Pre – Labor Story
With that being said, I was worried about my birth plan happening the way I desired and prayed for. I hung on to the hope that there could be a possibility that my first labor was just a fluke and I would get to gently utilize all the labor coping strategies I had prepared for.
I had packed a humongous birth center bag, full of labor tools that are great for coping, such as; a heating pad, ice pack, massage oil, essential oils, the diffuser, cozy slippers, you name it. I also desired to labor in the warm beautiful tub while listening to the sounds of nature mixed with piano music from the labor playlist I created. I even went as far as imagining having a sunny morning labor and going home by the evening with our baby girl.
Basically, I wanted the stage to be set for a peaceful and calm, fast but not too fast, fearless birth.
But deep down I had a major fear about achieving all these expectations that I had made and made myself. Though pleasant and good, but was it God and His sovereign plan?
From day one, I was worried about the 40min commute to the birth center. I worried I would have to hard labor in the car or worse have a baby on the side of the road. I even expressed to friends and family my fear and they worried with me and some encouraged me that it would all work out. Quite frankly, it makes a great story to tell but not really anyones dream birth.
At the same time we felt great peace at this birth center and knew it was the right decision for our family.
So 39 weeks rolls around and it’s what I called “my hope due date.” June 20, 2020 sounded too cool and would match her big sister’s aligning numbers birthday of September 17, 2017.
Weeks, before this date arrived I prepped my body with double chiropractor adjustments, labor prepping squats and labor ball exercises, cleaned my home all week, and did all the things to naturally get labor brewing to the possibility that I would have her on my hope date.
And at the end of the day, I really felt like I had lost the entire day. I was so into focusing on getting to baby, my mind was elsewhere instead of staying in the present moment with my family.
Then a sweet friend gently told me to try and let go of all my expectations. I grumbled as I knew that is one of my biggest weaknesses and sooo hard for me to do. I mean I tape expectations on almost everything and it always always leads to opening the doors to disappointment and anxiety from loss of control.
Anyways, just before I got to a really sour point I was reminded of what my friend said earlier that day. As I reflected on my disappointment, I caught myself and realized that I..me..myself had made all those expectations on my own. When in fact, He knows what is going to be best for me, the whole birth team, for baby and Landree, etc. So why would I limit His sovereignty??
I should REST in the fact that I can’t see like He does. I need to be CONTENT in that I have made my requests known to Him and now I must LET GO, yet NEVER GIVING UP on Him and how HE IS FOR ME by having faith and staying hopeful for His perfect timing.
I have to balance out, expecting His blessings without demanding. Staying in His peace by realizing the future has already been written for me in a sovereign “more than I could imagine” way. And instead of wasting energy on how I would like my future to go, by trying to control it [forcing, wondering, waiting] I should enjoy today [life] in the moment and walk in His fullness and grace.
Even though I was saying these words a week before I gave birth, I still had to get to that place of fearlessness and vulnerability again in my heart.
A quick flashback…before my water broke with Landree, I said fearlessly these last words..”I am ready. I trust you. Amen.” and then pop! It was unreal and very supernatural. I knew that God was going to be creative with this one and show off and marvel me once again.
Labor & Birth Story
I went 40 weeks and 3 days with my Landree Layne. I for some reason thought I would have Collins a little sooner which made me very emotionally exhausted. I struggled with thinking I could pop at any moment and being disappointed that I didn’t, on top of worrying about getting to the birth center in time. I didn’t want to feel out of control or feel like things were happening too fast. I didn’t want to be taken off guard that things were not going to happen like I wanted, which can trigger fear. All things I did not want to welcome in my birth.
It was pressed on my heart to just keep telling myself..
“I trust my body. I trust You.”
This instilled in me confidence. Knowing an trusting that my body was brewing up the perfect storm and believing that there was a sovereign day set aside for her birth.
I was still learning to let go of my expectations. It was becoming more clear to me that there were things in the making that I could not see. Important things that would prepare me, my baby and my birth team mentally, physically and spiritually for the completion of what Josh and I like to call a fearless birth.
As we walked this journey of bold faith once more I held onto the promise..
“When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.” Isaiah 60:22
The Thursday before I had her I woke up with pretty regular early labor contractions. I was almost certain this was the day. I had Josh come home from work, pack the truck with the bags and had him take me to my 40 week appointment just incase things picked up.
My midwife Cheryl felt for babies positioning by feeling my stomach. She was in a great position and down low! We even checked her heart during a contraction and made sure she was doing good. I left the appointment and said I would be back..thinking things would progress soon.
We decided to be overly cautious and stay close by knowing how fast my birth could be. We grabbed lunch—I have the best taco soup—and then went for a walk in the mall and Bass Pro Shop. We kinda gave our family a heads up and then it was like the contractions became super irregular. I was so disappointed and didn’t understand why that happened.
We decided to head back home and I cried because I was so tired, confused, frustrated and disappointed. I shared with a friend how it would have been so perfect. She basically gave me permission to feel all the things.
My family decided to go ahead and come for the weekend, which kept my mind off things and they made me smile, which was good for my soul.
I was still doing consistent contractions, but didn’t really share because I didn’t want to cry wolf again or get anyones hopes up.
I remember just sitting on the edge of my bed and a sentence was brought to my attention.
I release my birth story to you.
So I said it out loud, but was still having a hard time working through my expectations and fears.
Sunday, I started to get strong 5min apart contractions. I told Josh my concern about making it to the birth center in time again and so we decided to book a hotel for the night nearby.
Again I was trying to be so overly cautious because I knew things could just pick up out of nowhere.
But contractions stayed the same all through the night. I was doing all my pregnancy stretches and squats to try and get some sort of relief or get things going and I didn’t get much sleep.
Monday morning we woke up as a family and decided to go get brunch. I had French toast with strawberries and kiwis with a cucumber kale juice.
We didn’t know what to do by that time and just decided to go home since my body was pretty much stuck in early labor for 5 days.
I almost cried when we left the area, because I was so scared of having a car labor or birth. I basically just threw up my hands and said forget it…I will just wait for my sign whatever it is and whenever it is.
My sweet midwife told me to schedule a chiropractor adjustment, take a lavender bath and either drink some wine or take a Benadryl so that I could easily take a good nap. I decided to drink a small glass of wine in the bath. Even though I was still contracting I was able to sleep because I was just so exhausted emotionally and physically.
When I woke up and I drove to the chiropractor by myself, which was probably not smart, but on the way I had a big conversation with God.
I released my big fear of car labor and gave my labor and expectations to Him. The words..
“I release my birth story to you” felt so much more real…
like I really gave it away and didn’t care about meeting my own expectations anymore. I just expected a blessing instead.
If I would not have done that I believe I would not have been so calm and “okay” with what was about to happen.
After I got adjusted and my sweet chiropractor sent me away with a great message that I needed to hear. He told me that my body knew what it was doing and to trust the divine miracle of birth. The words I heard in my heart weeks before flew into my brain again…”I trust my body. I trust You.” And again those words came to life and penetrated my heart and brought me so much peace.
And this time I went home differently not disappointed and not fearful but with my body relaxed, my mind at peace, and my heart unburdened and trusting.
I was reminded that my birth was still sovereign and everything would come into alignment in God’s perfect timing, including my body, soul and mind.
I made sure I was being fully present and really enjoyed the fullness of the rest of the day.Ironically, we ate the same meal before my birth with Landree happened–a fresh salad and bbq pizza.
Josh and I joked and said if this meal does it again we will for sure know the trick for next time!Since Josh had missed so much work this week with all my wolf cries he decided to leave for a little bit to catch up on things.
I played pillow time with Landree which is basically just a big pile of pillows all on the ground for her to climb on. Then I sat down and watched a fellow YouTubers recent birth vlog and I am not kidding you.. I even commented that I was getting contractions just watching her labor. Then I opened up my computer to start a blog post of some sort when it all hit me…
Out of nowhere I started feeling nauseous and crampy. So I went to the bathroom and my front waters may or may not have broken then but I was already on the toilet and wasn’t sure. I texted Josh and he said he immediately knew that was the sign, since that is when it turned into go time with my first birth. He immediately FaceTimed me and during that call he saw me feel it–my first deep active labor contraction.
I freaked out a bit, because I knew what this meant. I was going to have to hard labor in the car. Josh saw my fear and told me it was going to be okay. I put on postpartum disposable underwear just incase my water broke more and pulled myself together a little bit by brushing my teeth and getting dressed to leave.
Josh was about to go to the grocery store before he headed home so he was glad I texted right when I did. He said he ran several red lights (safely lol) to get to me. He put Landree and everything back in the truck and locked the doors and turned on his hazards.
By this time I was really struggling and having to pause and breathe through powerful contractions. Josh called the midwife and told her how He was struggling to get me in the truck.
I was so close to saying no and just running my own bath water for an at home birth, but Josh was completely uncomfortable with that since the midwife would not have made it in time to help.
So I had to come to terms with my situation and just let it be without fear.
In-between contractions I grabbed my peppermint essential oil and headed out the door to the truck.
Things really started to pick up after we took off. I started to feel really nauseous again which is a labor sign that you are hitting or getting close to the transition phase. The transition phase is nick named a “mother’s breaking point” and are the last set of contractions before feeling the fetal ejection reflex or the bodies natural pushing mechanism.
So I told josh to open the peppermint bottle for me to smell and turn on my calming labor playlist to help me focus and stay present and calm.
I timed one contraction and it seemed like one came every 4minutes with just a 2 minute rest in between. I had Josh do the math and tell me exactly how many I had to do in the truck. It was about 6 extremely hard contractions that I had to breathe through.
I started to use my mindful breathing techniques I had practiced during pregnancy. As I took deep inhales and long exhales I focused in on things. I hyper listened to Landree’s iPad making sounds, to the hum of the tires, ocean waves in the song and to Josh declaring out loud that God would get us to the birth center before baby came. lol. I focused on the smell of the truck and relaxed my body from head to toe minus the death grips I had on the center console and car door.
I kept telling Josh to slow down and Josh didn’t tell me but he accidentally missed the exit, but noticed it kept the same time. We like to look at things like that as possibly a detour for our sake or protection.
We pulled up to the Birth Center at 8:31pm and then the midwife did at 8:32pm to unlock the doors. Josh took the bags in and Landree and I started to FER push. He went back inside to let the midwife know and they both came back to help me walk inside in between contractions.
After I got settled on the bed, I saw Josh in the corner trying to set up the diffuser. Lol. He said he needed to try, because he would hear about it for the rest of his life if he didn’t get that diffuser going during my birth.
Just a couple minutes later I had the biggest pushing contraction yet and immediately wanted to move to the toilet. Soon after I felt her head start to crown.
My midwife thankfully guided me down to my hands and knees in the bathroom and she fully crowned at 8:41pm. I waited for the next contraction and she was in my arms by 8:42pm. We made it by 11 minutes! Praise Jesus! Lol. And all that stalled labor was due to her elbows being criss-crossed up by her face, but nevertheless..
Collins Clementine Pinkston was born at 8:42pm, 7lbs2oz, 19.25″
and Landree got to see her baby sister be born!
I like to call it fast and furious, because it was mostly done in the car going 90 miles an hour and completed in exactly 1 hour and 20 minutes..
but yet I felt peaceful, calm and fearless.
Now I understand that God knew what was going to happen and knew where my heart needed to be before it began, because fear could have easily destroyed that sacred moment.
As I watched my birth film for the first time I realized my dream birth had already come true on day one. We were led to Gentle Beginnings Birth Center because we felt that we would be surrounded by a care team who supported our birth plan, who had the quality time for us and who would guide us with the best of interest.
Even though it didn’t turn out like I had imagined, God honored my deepest wish, which was a peaceful family experience. And choosing a birth center enhanced the night that we got to bring our baby sister into the world. I will never forget the moments that we got to share together.
I am so blessed and thankful for my healthy baby girl who had a peaceful and loving gentle beginning.
Some of my favorite memories..
Landree held my hand, fluffed my pillow and made sure I was okay.
Daddy and Collins did skin to skin while Landree ran up and down the hallway.
Collins and I took a healing herbal bath and then we weighed and measured her.
We smiled, snuggled and ate pancakes together and headed home with our two sleeping beauties.
It was almost my favorite part that we got to go home that night and sleep in our own bed and do postpartum at home. Landree ran into our room in the morning to come see baby sister and it was the sweetest morning together.
special thank you to my..
Midwife Cheryl and her assistant Kennasha also an amazing Midwife at Gentle Beginnings Birth Center. They were the sweetest and made sure we were staying healthy and comfortable!
photographer/videographer Samantha at SabelMoments – Birth.
Love,
Dancee
Birth Film
About Dancee,
Dancee Pinkston is a certified birth doula & childbirth educator. She is the creator of the Fearless Momma Birth Academy with over 969K+ Subscribers and 483,000,000+ views. A nutritional sciences graduate of Texas A&M University, mother of 2 girls and wife to her high-school sweetheart since 2012. Her mission is to help pregnant mommas have better birth experiences and live more empowered lives.
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